Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Dave Stewart's Electoral Songwriting Roundup Special

Don't you hate it when the British press gets all besotted by the US presidential election? Yeah, terrible.

So anyway, with another debate tonight/tomorrow to help determine who'll seize control of the world's most unwieldy overdraft, let's see if Dave Stewart has somehow managed to get involved and embarrass himself.

Oh look, he has.

The information 'a song I originally co-wrote with Bono' should be enough of a warning in 2008, but please do sample a few seconds of the anaemic track for yourselves. It takes a special kind of supergenius to release something in support of one of the more energetic Democratic campaigns of recent times drained of all colour and life.

For no doubt extremely intellectual stylistic reasons, the rented celebrities have been forced to mope about and shake their heads like they've stumbled across a set of internal Diebold memos containing the election results. Barry Manilow seems to show the most interest, but his cheeky smile belies the darting, confused eyes of a man who's no longer quite sure what's happening in this room with all the bright lights. Meanwhile, Dave can't even be arsed to stand up.

Maybe everybody's depressed because the lyrics are so insipid? "And this is the ground / that keeps our feet from getting wet" really doesn't make any sense at all, even as a glib reference to Hurricane Katrina. I suppose it's trying to say that without any continents the world would just be a massive ocean, but at that stage a few damp toes shouldn't really be our primary concern. If there were no continents, the only election in progress would be the one between Flipper and Aquaman to see who gets to run the magical undersea city of Atlantis.

I don't have much interest in that particular race, but I will say in passing that Aquaman has known terrorist connections and is on record as being unable to connect with the Atlantian people by adorably balancing a beach ball on his nose: Flipper/Sebastian the crab '08.

Surely though, Mr Stewart couldn't be inadvertently shilling for the OTHER side too? But yes, he can be! Sort of.

I honestly have no idea whether this is supposed to be genuine, or some sort of oblique parody* Though perhaps I'm just suspicious because it's so difficult to find any pro-McCain songs out there. Obama has will.i.am nicking his speeches, Obama girl doing her creepy stalker thing and, uh, some weird Les Mis ensemble which looks like it fell out of a Joss Whedon concept episode. McCain has ... some women covering the Eurythmics. Poorly.

It should be easier than this to spot satire, I'm sure. But with Saturday Night Live resorting to reading Sarah Palin stuff out verbatim it's hard to know what's real and what's real-but-hilarious-but-frightening-but-hilarious at present. The part where a static, glowing John McCain appears at the window and floats jerkily around above a hilltop church before zooming off into space is worth a look though. As is the point where they all just give up trying to match the cadence of the original lyrics and crap out "He walked the walk in Vietnam / He talks the talk on the Straight Talk Express" instead. Which is roughly 30 seconds in. Then it ends with a big VOTE McCAIN '08.

I'm baffled.

Either they support McCain and made a rubbish video. Or they made a rubbish video on purpose and secretly hope people will equate their production qualities with McCain's candidacy. If that's the case, though, why present it as otherwise supportive? OH MCCAIN GIRLS, YOUR SUBVERSIVE APPROACH HAS ME THOROUGHLY PERPLEXED.

Oh well. Here's a final song which helps explain the democratic process.

*Ok, now I do. Only six months behind on that one, congratulations to me.

1 comment:

Raw Patrick said...

With that and Boy George's effort (as ft. in Mike's 2nd podcast) there is NO WAY Obama can lose.