Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Say It Like Holland: The! Mercury! Music! Prize! Liveblog! 2008!

21:59 - OK, I’ve come in early from the pub and rushed making some spaghetti to watch the Mercury and liveblog it. Max content, minimal effort but it’s OK coz all the broadsheet blogs are doing it too.

The outcome will be a cinch though. Burial has become such an odds on fave that they can give it to someone dull as ditch and still have a surprise winner. Elbow have a suitably Gomez/Badly Drawn Boy ring to ‘em.

22:00 - I’m sucking spaghetti up and trying to not let it splash over my laptop. I’ve not even a cup of tea.

22:03 – the show’s only half an hour so how long before they give the award? Better this than a ninety minute snooze fest though. I remember when they got Tony Parsons on to talk about the question mark in the name ‘Therapy?’ Dark days.

22:04 - A list of nominees. No context. Who cares?

I was originally gonna bet £20 on Unthank for the win, but betting on who deserves it is a mugs game.

Laverne’s on screen—everyone’s fave cultural Blythe doll. Also on screen Simon Armitage, “national institution, wannabe rockstar” and utter fucking cunt. Some other guy too, a blogger.

22:05 - Clips of the clubbable playing live. Not whole songs, just clips. Neon Neon play a song about Star Wars. British Sea Power bring the usual fake smattering of art school (a choir and a hand cranked siren like Disposable Heroes of hiphoprisy when they were on The Word). Rachel Unthank head and shoulders ands y’know, ankles and toes above everyone else.

22:07 - Armitage likes the Wedding Present.

22:09 – One-upping ‘the Weddoes’, Har Mar Superstar is mentioned.

22:10 - Laverne pretending to be interested in Unthank. The best British album of the year is compared to an oral history project and labelled, erk, eccentric.

22:10 - Burial hasn’t shown. A sellout to the idea of selling out.

22:13 - Laverne reveals she was a judge for three years in a row! Coz Britain doesn’t overproduce actors and pop crits does it?

Apparently there are only two photos of Burial in existence. His mum might be surprised.

22:15 - Oh fuck, just been reminded that Jules will be presenting the award [jules]LATER![/jules].

22:16 - “If you go into a party and they’re playing that record you know your going to have a good time!”—Armitage on Adele. Just realised I have no idea of her second name which is a success for her.

22:17 - Radiohead on TV. I’m updating my iTunes. My most played song? “Sunshine Baby” by Clout. So great.

22:20 - Who will win? Armitage sez Elbow. The other guy sez Burial. Armitage is a walking copy of the Observer Magazine. Bet he’s got it.

22:21 – IT’S JULES! The black shirt, no tie. The elbowing moves. The speech w/out even the attempt of a joke. But some alliteration, like a teacher at a school prize giving.

22:24 - The winner is….. *the audience look vaguely interested* the sensational…. *camera pans around room of people looking at their plates* Elbow! ELBOW!

I called it!

ELBOW! Could anyone be less mercurial, but more Mercury?

Garvey comes to the stage and sounds overjoyed. I know the Klaxons were on pills when they picked up their award but this is that times ten. Then times that by a thousand. Not really, he’s as bored sounding as he is on his soporific Radio 2 show.

Holy shit. If the large hadron collider destroys the world tomorrow morning it’s all been worthwhile.

22:26 – Elbow appear and I’m off to make tea. They’ll play in a second.


Sick Mouthy said...

Thinking Burial would win is like thinking Obama will win!

Raw Patrick said...

I spell Jools incorrectly all the way through this. It adds to the live feel.

Raw Patrick said...

History rolling over sick mouthy like he's a Jackson Browne fan or some shit up there.